All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
