Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I didn't notice because vodka
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
