Your mouth is God's brothel.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
