How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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