Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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