Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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