Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
