i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
