I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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