i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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