You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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