You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
