If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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