i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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