my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
