Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
