I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
