God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Are we still banned from the library?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
