before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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