Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
