Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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