Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
