I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
