Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How naked do you want me to be?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
