he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
