Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
