Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
