Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
