True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
