Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
