He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
