Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
