I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
