I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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