ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
