How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
