addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
