Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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