How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
