There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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