Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
