I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
