I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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