Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
