Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
