i think my mom watched the whole time
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
