There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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