so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
