And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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