Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
