he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
