if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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