well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
