This is not my ceiling
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
