I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
